Wir entsprechen selten unseren Idealen.
Deshalb ist es besser, sie nicht zu hoch zu stecken.
Marcel Geisser
Ich bin seit geraumer Zeit im Prozess des „mich beruflich selbständig Machens“.
Ich habe den „sicheren Hafen“ einer Anstellung verlassen zu Gunsten meiner Berufungen: Yoga – sexuelle Bildung – Fotografie. Vorbei mit fixem Einkommen – fest davon überzeugt, dass es gleich von vornherein „läuft“.
Welch großartige Ideen ich doch hatte von meinem „selbständigen Ich“, wie es „erfolgreich“ ihre gut frequentierten Yogakurse durchführt… jeder Kurs liebevoll geplant (das ist tatsächlich so..), sollte am besten jede Mityoginierende vollends inspirieren, motivieren und für diesen Übungsweg begeistern..
Ich habe mir echt erwartet, dass ich dementsprechende finanzielle Einnahmen und Anerkennung erhalte. Und ja, die Anerkennung erhalte ich von lieben Menschen, die mir rückmelden, dass sie die Atmosphäre in den Stunden genießen sowie zahlreiche Inspirationen erhalten für ihren eigenen Weg.
Trotzdem habe ich mir das alles irgendwie anders vorgestellt: irgendwie einfacher…
Und jetzt stehe ich mitten in einem „Lernprozess“, wobei mir in kriseligen Phasen das Wort „lernen“ echt übel aufstößt und in mir eher das Gefühl des Widerstands, der Ungeduld, der Unsicherheit und der Sorge aufkommt…
Über das Traurigsein und einen möglichen Umgang damit habe ich im letzten Beitrag geschrieben. Heutiges Zitat erinnert mich daran, dass ich meine Ideale, Ansprüche und Erwartungen echt immer wieder mal zu hoch stecke und dementsprechend in Phasen der Enttäuschung stolpere..
Versteht mich bitte nicht falsch: ich denke, es ist wichtig, Ideale zu haben: Ziele vor Augen, die einer Kraft und Richtung geben – aber auch hier wird es unheilsam, wenn frau sich verbeißt und längere Zeit nicht loslässt.
Da ist zuerst einmal NACHSICHT gefragt und VERTRAUEN, dass es so ist, wie es ist – – halt mal ist.
Klingt einfach – ist aber häufig nicht leicht.
HUMOR und BESCHEIDENHEIT sind wichtige Gewürze in diesem Prozess.
Ich merke gerade stark, wie mein EGO SCHREIT und wütend auf den Boden stampft und ehrlicherweise auch manchmal neidisch ist auf andere, die es scheinbar gerade leichter haben. Ja, das kann es auch – mein Ego….leider…
Wenn ich etwas aus dem jahrelangen Studium über meinen Geist und meine Gefühlswelt aus yogisch-buddhistisch-psychologischer Richtung gelernt habe, dann die Erkenntnis, dass all, das, was sich gerade in mir abspielt VÖLLIG NATÜRLICH IST: Mein Geist und meine „Gefühlswelten“ funktionieren einwandfrei!
Die Herausforderung besteht wie immer im ABSTAND-KREIEREN und Sich-nicht-verschlingen-lassen von den Wogen der Gefühle… aber auch das gelingt nicht immer….und auch das ist ok….
Wenn es mal gelingt, kritikfreien Abstand zu nehmen, entsteht RAUM – ein unbekannter, unbesetzter Raum. Diesen Raum zu betreten erfordert Mut, weil er frei und offen ist.
Vielleicht ist es dieses UNBEKANNTE, wovor sich die Menschen fürchten und sich doch lieber mitnehmen lassen, von den Wogen der Gefühle, den fixierten Erwartungen und Idealen..
Viele Menschen tun sich nun mal schwer, Ideale/Ansprüche loszulassen. Es ist in der Tat eine Herausforderung, „lediglich“ und „nur“ MIT BESTER ABSICHT zu machen/tun ohne Rücksicht auf ein Ergebnis!
Die allermeisten Menschen sind nämlich schon im Tun getrieben von einem im Vorfeld schon festgefahrenen Ergebnis…. sie sind nicht da – sondern schon ganz woanders!
Dabei ist das größte Geschenk, das du jemanden machen kannst, einfach mal jetzt da zu sein…
Diese Überlegungen inspirieren mich, die Richtung meines Tuns immer wieder zu verändern: ich versuche, bewusst bei meinen HERZENSANGELEGENHEITEN zu SEIN – mutig einen Schritt nach dem anderen zu gehen und neugierig das zu empfangen, was zurückkommt.
Interessanterweise entspanne ich mich dadurch, kann besser lauschen und gelassener sein… was nicht heißt, dass nicht auch hin und wieder die Gleichzeitigkeit der widersprüchlichen Gefühle auf mich einprasselt…
AUSATMEN – Füße-Füße….
Ich glaube, so wird das Leben wahrlich zu einem Abenteuer mit ungewissem Ausgang – aber egal wie man es dreht oder wendet – das ist Teil des Lebens: und besser ein spannendes, buntes, weites Leben – als ein starres, verunsichertes – enttäuschtes, oder?
In diesem Sinne: möget ihr eine bunte Zeit erleben – viele abenteuerliche Erlebnisse und wunderbare Begegnungen haben.
Möget ihr zufrieden sein!
SHANTI!
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